Happiness for Leah
by shangoramoda
Summary: I remember, there was a time when I was happy. I was full of love and looking forward to the future. So much has happened since then. I had heard the stories, knew the legends. It was a shock to find out they were true.
1. Leah's Loss

Forward

I remember, there was a time when I was happy. I was full of love and looking forward to the future. So much has happened since then. I had heard the stories, knew the legends. It was a shock to find out they were true.

Leah's Loss

I never thought I would be here. I thought I would be happily married with maybe a child of my own. Instead, I have been jilted, transformed and inhaling vampire stink. Things have been worse, but my options were limited. Option 1: be forever chained to the constant pain of knowing that the love of my life did not want me and was bound to another, or Option 2: be surrounded by the monsters who caused the issues that stole my love from me and who consequently I hated. I chose option 2. I thought it would be temporary, like maybe a week or two, and then I would be free and away and only have a small reminder and connection with what I was.

What was I? A monster? A myth? I was still not sure, and trying to wrap my head around it. I was a shapeshifter.

My people, the Quileute Indians, or rather the descendants of the Original shapeshifter chief have the gene, and when vampires enter our region, the gene expresses itself. A family of vampires moved close to us. My Sam disappeared, where was he? We searched and searched, we watched and waited, and finally he returned. I wanted to know what happened, was he ok? It was difficult for me not knowing, he would not say what happened to him, he told me it was something he could not talk about. Ok, I could deal with that. I am just glad he is back and safe.

Time went by and he was different, strange. I felt like he was keeping secrets from me, but we were working through it. I was expecting a visit from my cousin Emily, it would be nice to have someone to talk to about these things.

My world turned upside down. Sam, my beloved. The moment he saw Emily. I remember watching it in slow motion. His hand dropped mine, he was looking at her like he was mesmerized. I felt the love he had for me retreat. That comfortable place that I counted on was gone and I was left standing there alone as I witnessed Sam imprint on Emily.

What is imprinting? I knew from the legends of my tribe. Its an involuntary thing when a shapeshifter; in our case a werewolf, sees his "mate" its like nothing else matters but that person, but I had never witnessed it myself until now. I did not know that was what I was seeing. I felt rejected and betrayed. Why would the man I was practically engaged to show such disrespect to me? I know now that he could not help it, but it is still a hard pill to swallow.

Emily was confused and so was I. It was an awkward moment. Emily and I took refuge at my house, as I bawled and Emily cursed him to the darkest places. He called, we talked. He loved me, but he was not in love with me anymore. He felt an undeniable connection and desire for Emily. He felt terrible but explained that it was something so powerful he could not ignore it. I was bereft.


	2. Looking on the bright side

Living with a broken heart is not easy. Emily was very supportive. I love Emily like a sister, it was nice to have her understanding and support at that time, even considering she was the one Sam could not seem to leave alone. At this point she was incredulous. He seems to be trying to keep his distance, but its not working. Anytime we leave the house he is there watching. I am miserable, but it is not my wish to make anyone else so. I love Sam still, and if Emily is what he needs...its hard to think this way but I know that its going to go there anyway. I should try to make that adjustment purposely and be ok with it, than string it out and prolong my misery and apparently his. I will give myself some time to move myself in a healthy direction, maybe a few days.

I have had nightmares for several nights. I know it is just me working through the loss of the future I had envisioned with Sam. I do feel that this is normal, and it might take time, a long time, but I know this is what I have to go through in order to move on. I will not talk to Emily about it, but I will attempt to step back and allow Sam to interact with her. I can deal with my dejection and keep it to myself, at least I can try. No one else can feel what I feel or hear what I think, I can keep it all inside.

Emily was only going to stay for the weekend. I would miss her. She was a comfort to me, she understood. It would be good for her to go though, I had a hard time not being the object of Sam's attention, and I could feel myself becoming resentful. My parents were here and they were supportive and careful with me. My father would bring home things he knew I liked to cheer me up, my mother would let me brood in silence and just look at me with that face that let me know it was ok to grieve. My younger brother Seth, would tell me silly jokes to make me laugh. I would try to humor him by smiling sometimes.

I have not seen Sam around lately, I wonder where he could be. Only I know it is salmon spawning season and many people like to go see the salmon swimming up stream. I remember we would go together sometimes. It was close to Emily and I could stop off and visit with her while Sam was busy fishing. I can not help thinking about him, but I know being around him or hunting him down and following him would be kind of creepy on my part. I have resolved not to do that. I think it would be healthier for me and my progress in healing from this loss if I did not see him. It is hard that we live in close proximity to each other though. Maybe I should consider applying to some college far away. I could meet new people and be far away from here. My plan was to be married and do some online schooling and get my degree in accounting or maybe business management. We only have the one little store here in La Push, and with as many visitors as we get, I am sure there is some touristy need I could meet, some niche I could fill. I guess that plan is obsolete now. Look on the bright side Leah, you can dream a little bigger now. What is bigger than Sam? To be honest, I had made him my whole life. I guess that was not a smart thing to do, because now my whole life is gone. How could I have foreseen this? I need to think on what I want to do with my life now, since what I had planned is not an option anymore.

I have been so listless and unmotivated. Two weeks have gone by and I have hardly noticed. I need to make some decisions and get on with my life. I will go visit Emily, she always seems to help me think through things.

I was almost to Emily's house when I noticed Sam's car was parked on the street. He was knocking on her door. My heart leapt to my throat and I just couldn't. I turned the car around and went back home. It was just over an hour drive to get there, she was expecting me, but even though I wanted to be ok with Sam loving her instead, and even her returning that affection, I knew that I was in no place to sit there and witness it all first hand. And I was fighting my baser feelings and railing against fate. I needed the time on the way home to right myself.

I got a call from Emily, she wondered what had happened to me. I told her that I saw Sam there and was too emotional to stay. She relayed that she had talked with him at the door. She refused to let him in and that he only stayed for a few minutes. She asked me what I wanted her to do, how should she handle the situation to my satisfaction. This is so hard for me to go through, but I told her that I did not want to stand in the way of anything that was going to happen. If it so happened that she liked him, or started to like him, it would be hard but it was none of my business. It was going to take time for me to get over him, but I was going to and that no matter what, I wanted him to be happy. She cried with me and told me that there was something about him that attracted her too him, but that she did not want that to ruin our relationship. Still, she was not ready to do anything about it because the whole situation was sudden and weird. I changed the subject, because I really just do not want to think about my Sam with anyone else no matter who it is. I need to stop thinking about him as My Sam, he is not mine anymore. Where would be some good places to go? Some colleges that I could look into? I should get away. We discussed me just going to one of the cities and finding a job and going to school. She also said she had some things she could get more information about and get back to me. I told her I would think more on what we had already discussed. I needed to make a decision soon.

I got the call just now, Emily has been in a horrible accident. Mauled by a bear? How could that possibly happen? Where was she that she got mauled by a bear? I was on my way to the hospital to see her. Sam was there, Of course. He excused himself so I could visit with her alone. The right side of her face and her right arm were bandaged and she was drugged but coherent. I asked her how she was and what happened. She said she was doing as well as expected and that she did not remember much it happened so fast. Sam was there and brought her to the hospital. He had been so upset. Emily told me of an elderly woman who used to live in Neah Bay but had moved to Bremerton who often hired someone to live with her and take care of household chores and things. She was going to work for her but under the circumstances thought it would be better to see if It was something I would be interested in. There were also a couple of colleges there I could look into. That sounded like a nice escape for me.

She said she would speak to the lady and give her my information. The doctors told her that it would take several weeks for her wounds to heal and she would be scarred for the rest of her life, but she would be fine otherwise. Poor Emily, she is putting a good face on it. She has always been the type of person who looked on the bright side of things. I wish I could be more like her.


	3. Time to heal, maybe

Mrs. Hugs. I spoke to her on the phone. It was a long conversation as she wanted to make sure we were going to be a good fit. I think its going to work out just fine, for me at least, I hope she thinks so also. She is traveling over the holidays to see her children and grandchildren and will expect me on the second of January. I am looking into the colleges there and am going to sign up for some classes in the second semester. My duties for Mrs. Hugs are quite reasonable. I will be required to keep the house clean, share in meal prep, grocery shopping and any other errands, replace light bulbs, do any minor repairs I can handle, and those I do not feel capable of doing she will call a repairman. My time is mine to do as I wish and so, taking some classes would help me be busy enough to keep my mind off of things. Mrs. Hugs seems like and interesting person and I am excited to get to know her. I hope I can live up to her expectations. I know how to clean house and cook and do everything she requires. I might see what the yard is like and see if I can grow a small garden.

It is good for me to be away from home. Mrs. Hugs – Alma, is generous and kind. Her husband was a prolific man. He was always involved in some venture or other, and successful in many of them. When he passed away a year ago, he left her with a nice nest egg. She is not rich, but she has the ability to pursue any desire she might have, and she chooses to bless the lives of many with her resources. I can see why she needs a housekeeper. As she moves through the house gathering what she needs for her next charitable adventure, she leaves the evidence of her activity in her wake. She claims she is so busy she does not have time to clean. Her own children have moved far from their native lands and so she has to fill the space they left behind with the less fortunate. When her husband died, she did not feel like she could stay in the home they had shared for so many years. There were to many memories that made her long for him and she became despondent. She found this house she fell in love with and never looked back.

I keep the house, grocery shop, make dinner and take my classes. This is my life now. My classes fill the time, but I can not say I find them exciting, but you always have to get generals out of the way. I often participate in Alma's charitable activities. There is space for a garden, but I have not put in the time to do anything. I try to keep busy, but I still find myself thinking about what could have been and missing Sam. There are some guys at school that are attractive, even some that seem to be interested in me, but I just can not make myself rise to the occasion. My heart is still wounded beyond recognition. It is still hospitalized and comatose.

The time has flown, but I have not healed like I thought. Time heals all wounds right? I guess mine is pretty deep. Things have progressed between Emily and Sam. I do not think that should bother me as much as it does. I really need to move on. What is wrong with me? A guy at school asked me on a date. I went, poor guy, I was pretty unresponsive. Its not his fault, and under any other circumstances I would probably be flattered and excited. It has been nearly a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas are upon us. I have made arrangements to go home for a visit, Alma will be leaving again to visit her family and so there will be nobody to do for. I will be glad to see my family, but otherwise I am not looking forward to seeing anyone else.

Emily, my beautiful cousin; that bear did a number on her. She is so upbeat though, and she is so easy that you do not notice. She is making arrangements to move to La Push. Breath Leah. You love Emily and you love Sam. Their happiness is a good thing, even if you are on the outside now. Thanksgiving and Christmas, it was a long month. I enjoyed seeing my mom and dad and my brother. I am ready to go back to my healing place.

January, time to get back into the swing of things again. Keeping house, cooking meals, taking classes. I have an inkling that I am starting to take interest in things again. Going to class isn't just something I do anymore, its something that engages my mind. Alma's latest project is getting the community to build a tiny house village for homeless people. I am engaged in drumming up donations and submitting information on possible locations.

I woke up this morning...happy? Not miserable at least. Content? I was looking forward to the day. I can breath a little bit. There is a museum in town that looks interesting, I should go. Maybe that girl – lisa who I sit by in my English lit. class will go with me. I do not know if I can say I am looking at this from the other side, but I almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, that is something at least. Mid February, Valentines day came and went and I did not think about it at all.

I need to rush home. My dad just had a heart attack. Its not good, I do not even know if I will make it in time. Alma is so understanding, we do get along really well.

More loss.

My mom was being the strong rock, she always is. I did not even get a chance to say goodbye.

Charlie Swan, one of my dad's best friends is at the house with my mom, trying to help her decide what to do for my dad's funeral. Wow, how things change so much in a few seconds. My dad, Sam, why is this so hard? I am going to have to just finish up this semester and move back home to help my mom. Its going to be tough, but I do think I am in a healthier place now.

I am sad to be leaving Alma and moving back home, I was really starting to acclimate and like being here. I at least got several college courses out of the way. I am anxious about moving back home. I am not sure how I will handle it.


	4. Heir to magic

My mom puts a good face on, but I know she is mourning the loss of her husband. I feel like in some ways this helps put some things in perspective for me. Here I am, still having a hard time not having Sam, who was only my boyfriend for a few years, and here she is mourning for the man she was married to for nearly 25 years. It is much better, I do not mope anymore, but I still have moments when it hits me. It usually happens when I am out of the house and I look up and see Sam, my first instinct is to go to him, then I remember, that he does not love me anymore. When I see him with Emily its even harder. I knew that It would be hard to be back home, and I made the choice to be here for my mom. It just seems to sneak up on me when I least expect it. I visit with Emily, she comes to my house because whenever I go to hers, Sam is there.

I do not know what it is, but ever since I have been home, I feel like my temper gets the best of me. I generally do not get angry easily, but lately I seem to get mad at the stupidest things. Like yesterday I was just going to sit on the couch and Seth had left his school books there. Usually I would just move them over and sit down, but this time I just got so angry and started hunting through the house for him so I could throw the books at him. What was even more surprising, is that he got mad at me too, and we had a yelling match. Seth is the most laid back person is the world. There is seriously something weird going on with us. Is there mold growing in the house or something? My mom had to play referee, she came into the room where we were yelling and stepped between us and put her hands on our arms. She started. She paled, then she told us to both go to the living room and sit down. She called some of the elders and told them to come over right away. My dad was a tribal elder, and since he is gone, my mom is taking his place on the council.

"This has never been heard of, perhaps its just a coincidence and she is simply running a fever".

Billy Black and Quill Ateara are talking to my mom in the other room. Seth and I have been told to stay on the couch and not move. We are being very quiet so we can hear what they are saying. "But she has been showing other signs as well. They both are." I hear my moms voice. Seth and I look at each other. Signs? What signs? What are they talking about? "I think it is time to tell them, both of them, we know where this is going and it is better to give them a heads up now, than have them go through this in ignorance." there is a pause. All three of them come into the living room and sit down facing us.

"Leah, Seth, we need to help guide you through a process." Quill leans forward as he addresses us. He looks at Billy as if to give the stage to him. Billy clears his throat, "All the histories of our tribe have been passed down from generation to generation, much of it seems to be only legend, magical. What we are here to tell you now, is that it is all real." Billy Squirms in his wheelchair. "The both of you have been feeling strange lately, easily provoked to anger?" Seth and I both nod, but otherwise remain silent waiting for what is to come next. "You are both descendants of Chief Taha Aki. You remember his story?" Again we nod, waiting for Billy to go on. "When our enemies come near, the gene of the wolf expresses itself in the descendants of our first Chief shapeshifter, Taha Aki. But we are puzzled because in our histories those who have transformed to the wolf have only been male heirs, however Leah, you are showing the signs of the transformation."

"Wait, wait. Are you telling me that Seth and I are going to turn into wolves?" This is so incredible I, I do not know what to think, say, feel. But I feel angry...Seth looks angry, he stands up. Mom, Billy and Quill back up. I stand up, I just want to rip somebodies head off, I am shaking. Then it happens, all the sudden I am looking up at everyone and there are voices in my head. I am panicky, the voices are trying to calm, and sooth me. The room is spinning, no I am spinning, I knock over the lamp and side table, I collide into Seth, Is that Seth? I see my mom plastered against the wall, she looks apprehensive.

Oh, mom, is she all right? I start to calm down. The voices in my head... Sam? What? Seth is talking so loud, no he is thinking so loud. I look at where my brother was standing, and I see a wolf. I see what he sees as he looks at me. I am a wolf. I see other things in my mind, the forest, other wolves. I hear the thoughts of the other wolves, so many thoughts its overwhelming. The thoughts begin to become one voice, I start to hear instructions. I need to be calm they are telling us how to turn back into ourselves. The key is to be calm, remember how it feels to stand on two legs. I see Seth shimmer and return to himself, only he is naked. Oh no. I run to my bedroom. I am not calm. I shut the door with my head. I see thought memories in my head, they show me that our clothes shred when we change and we have to be careful to take them off before we change, but that it will be a little while before I am calm enough to control when I change. I can see what the other wolves are seeing, does that mean that they can see what I am seeing? I am looking in my mirror. If I am going to change and be naked, I do not want to be anywhere near my mirror. There is nowhere in my bedroom that you can not see the mirror. I guess if I just do not look at the mirror it will be ok? My mom knocks on my door and asks if she can come in. What do I say? I can not talk. I whine, I hope she understands that means yes. She opens the door. She reminds me to be calm. I look at my mirror, she pulls the blanket off my bed and hangs it over my mirror. Ok,be calm, how do I be calm. Sam used too...no I can not go there, my dad used too, no I can not go there either. My mom places her hand on my back. Calm. And I change back.


	5. Living Legend

"Leah, get dressed, catch your breath and come out to the living room and I will tell you and your brother what I know and what you are now entitled to know". My mom kisses my head and leaves the room.

I feel like I need a hundred years to process what just happened to me. I am a living legend, how strange. All the stories of our tribe are actual histories. I am not the only one, Seth is too, and obviously there are others. This only happens in fairy tales, or nightmares. Except for the suddenness of it, I am not sure which it is.

I shake myself from my revere and realize that I was wearing my favorite shirt, and now it is probably in shreds on the living room floor. That makes me mad, I can feel the pull to change, I know I am shaking. Calm, I do not want to turn again right now. Can I control it? I work hard to find something soothing to think about. I find listening to the ocean waves at night soothing. Sometimes when it is quiet outside, I can hear the waves from my house. It does seem to help, I feel the anger ebb just like the waves. I remember that my mom and brother are probably waiting for me in the living room. I guess I better put some clothes on. I choose a t-shirt that I rarely wear anymore and some old shorts. I am interested and apprehensive at the same time, Do I really want to know what this is about? I guess I do considering this is apparently going to be my life now.

Billy is still here. My mom and brother are not out here yet. I guess my mom must be comforting Seth too. Billy is not one for filling the silence. I am perfectly happy to sit here undisturbed by the need to talk to anyone, besides, I have a lot of things to digest, and probably more once we hear what my mom and Billy have to say. There were so many voices, so many thoughts all at the same time. I remember shock and confusion. I was shocked and confused, and so was Seth, but we were not the only ones who were thinking and feeling that. I even recognized chagrin and resignation. There was so much more, I remember the sensation, but there was such an overload that I could not interpret all of the emotions and thoughts.

Seth and my mom enter the room. Seth looks intrigued? He does not look angry at least. I guess I can admit I am intrigued also. My mom sits down and is all business. I sit up to hear what she is going to say. Billy speaks first. "During the time that my grandfather Ephraim Black was chief of our tribe, our enemies returned, the blood drinkers. The warriors of our tribe that could change into the great wolf were only three. There were four of the blood drinkers. Their leader spoke civilly and convinced Ephraim that they did not hunt humans, only animals. The blood drinkers lived like humans in a house, and over some time of observing them Ephraim believed them and they agreed to a treaty that they would not hunt on Quileute lands, or ever bite a human. And we would let them live peacefully here. This you all know, it is part of our legends and history. What you might not be aware of, is that the blood drinkers are back, and there are more of them. They moved back into the area over a year ago. Since then, several of our sons have become warriors who change into the great wolf. Sam Uley was the first. The council was unaware what had happened to him, but Leah, I am sure you remember the time when he had disappeared?" I nodded. "Sam had transformed and he was alone. He thought he was going crazy, It took him some time to calm down and figure out how to change back. We only became aware of what was going on with him by chance, Quill happened to shake his hand one day and he knew right away. After that we met with him and told him what we are telling you. It is important that in order to protect the tribe and our warriors, that we do not tell anyone about our unique ability, that is why Sam could not tell you Leah. Slowly as our boys reach a certain maturity, they are beginning to change because of the close proximity of the blood drinkers to our land. Jared, Paul, Embry, Quill and Jacob, my own son have also , so far you are the youngest. Leah, you are the first woman. We do not know why this is, it has never happened before."

"Leah, I know your heart has been broken, but Sam could not help what happened to him, and he could not help it when he imprinted on Emily. You might not understand now, but hopefully this information will help you have some closure." My mom spoke these words as she reached her hand to touch my leg in reassurance.

"There are many characteristics and abilities you will have now that you are "werewolves", one of these is the ability to hear the thoughts of other wolves while you are in wolf form. Your body temperatures have increased and you will heal quickly. Also, as your mom has mentioned, although it is rare, imprinting is something that could happen. We do not really know why, but perhaps it is how we have the best possibility to find a mate who will pass on the wolf gene." "The situation right now is formidable. Sam is running patrols to protect the tribe. There is no trouble from the coven on our doorsteps, but their presence seems to attract others who pursue their normal diet."

Billy looked at both of us and asked if we had any questions. " Wow," said Seth, "When do I get to go help protect the tribe?" "Its not a matter of getting to do anything. I fear you will get tired of it because it will be required." Billy replied. "In fact, Sam will want you both to report in the next two hours, he is the Alpha. There is much to adjust too and the more time you spend as a wolf the sooner you will be acclimated to the change." "Oh, I forgot, one of the characteristics of a werewolf is that you stop aging. Now after a few years, you will be able to better control when you transform and will have the choice to stop altogether. At that time you will begin to age again." "I had plans to go to school and work and you know, have a life" I said. Billy sighed. " I am afraid, some of that will have to wait a bit until the current situation is resolved and you can control your feelings."

I came home to help my mom, I was not planning on seeing or being around Sam at all, now I am going to have to see him often and hear his thoughts and be led by him. This is not what I was planning. Why do I have to be involved in this at all? So what if I turn into a wolf. "I am sorry, but for my own emotional health, I can not do this!" I feel myself loosing it. "I understand your position Leah, but I think you will find that you will not be able to avoid it." Billy interjects sympathetically.

I do not want to do this, I want to avoid it! I am shaking, I can not stop it. I can not even think of being calm. I feel a tightness around me and hear ripping sounds and now the voices in my head. "NO! I do not want to change". " Calm down Leah" I hear a voice in my head. Who is that? " It's me Leah, Sam." Oh Crap, he can hear what I am thinking, stop thinking. "Its fine Leah, it will take a while to get used too. But since you are hearing me, we need to teach and train you on how to be a wolf and a member of a pack. Seth also." I whine. "Sam, I do not think I can do this." I feel a constriction in my chest and throat as I experience a longing for what can never be and trapped because of the closeness and intimacy that being part of his thoughts creates. He can feel exactly how I am reacting to this moment and he chooses to ignore it. How can I get away? "Calm down, and you will be able to change back. However, I want to see you and Seth in an hour. If you go into the woods northeast of your house, you can change there and I will either direct you to where we are or I will send Jacob or Paul to come get you." I hear other thoughts but they are quiet, Sam tells everyone to go human to give me 15 minutes to calm down and I feel them leave one by one. I am alone in my head, this is normal, and how it should be. It does help me to calm down easier. I return to my bedroom. I have one hour to try to escape.


	6. Alpha's Command

I know there is no one to hear my thoughts at the moment, because they have all changed back, but I decide to not think about what I am going to do next, I am not in the habit of watching what I think. This is going to be a challenge. I focus on being calm, ocean waves in the dark. I can imagine the sound of the waves on the beach. Here I am again, naked in my bedroom. I need to go check out the closest thrift store if I am going to be shredding my clothes all the time. I find something to wear and then get busy packing my suitcase. I have a little bit of money from working for Alma. I have enough to get down the road a bit. Can I get out of the house without having to answer any questions? I won't if I am carrying a suitcase. New plan, I will visit a thrift store and buy clothes, I can shove some underwear in my purse. That could be my excuse, I need new clothes, if I am going to be destroying them. That helps too because I know my mom will give me some money to help with that.

"Mom, do you have a little cash to help me get some clothes from the thrift store in Forks?" She is not in the least suspicious, she gives me a twenty dollar bill. "Are you sure you have time Leah? You have to meet the pack soon." I will try to be quick, but if I am late, what are they going to do, tell me I can not be part of the pack?" little did she know that is exactly what I want to happen, fat chance, which is why I am leaving.

I have escaped the house now, I feel some relief at that. I understand that I have not fully thought out exactly what I am doing. I know that I have to get away, but where will I go? How am I going to keep from changing? I know that I was successful the one time, but not the last time. I will have to be careful about keeping my temper in check. I know that I do need some clothes so going to the thrift store is someplace to go, at least for now. I can think while I shop.

I do not want to take very much time looking for clothes, I want as much time to get as far away as possible. I find the rack that is labeled for my size, I quickly find a few shirts that I think will work, a couple of pants and shorts, this will have to do. I have decided to go to Alma's. She is someone I know who is farther away and I can think as I drive about what I should do after that. Its almost three hours away and she might let me spend the night.

As I leave the store, I trip over a display rack. I am not hurt, but it just triggers feelings of annoyance and the danger of changing here in public quickly overtakes my mind. I start to panic a little bit and I run to the car. I work on calming myself down. I can not live my life like this. How can I go into public when there is the chance that I could go wolf at any moment. I start to drive, even though I am now questioning my plans. Can I go to Alma's? Can I hold it together enough to be in public? It seems anger is not the only emotion that causes the transformation. Luckily I live in the state of Washington, there are many places that are protected and are not much frequented by people in general.

If I am going to have to hide out in the woods, I am going to need more provisions than just clothes. I have a blanket here in the car that I never put away from the last time I went on a picnic, that will help. I need food. I will have to chance going to a grocery store. I am going to try to make it to the other side of Seattle. I feel confident that if I stay in the car, I will be fine. I will need to stop for some food, and gas, but otherwise I can stay in the car.

I drive.

I have been driving for about 3 hours, I am passing Bremerton. I think I should stop here and get gas and groceries, I am familiar with the city and so it would be easy for me, then I think maybe I would be recognized by someone and perhaps that would not be a good thing. I decide to stop at port orchard instead. I get into the grocery store and then realize that there will be no microwave and I do not have anything to cook on. I go to the housewares section and look to see if there is a cheep pot there. I also do not have any way to keep the food cold. Could I live on granola bars and pop tarts? I guess I am going to be really simple about this. So, apples, granola bars, beef jerky, and water. I will treat myself to one last hot meal from the deli counter and resign myself to roughing it for a while.

It has been another 3 hours and I am seeing signs for Teanaway Butte, I decide to turn north, It sounds like it might be a remote location for staying hidden. I drive for another 15 minutes and find a little used side road where I hide my car. Should I stay close or hike further in? It is late so I decide to stay in the car and sleep for the night. I am alone in the car in the dark, I have lots of time to let my thoughts prey on my mind. What am I doing? I am running away from Sam, that is what I am doing. Where am I going to go? I do not know. Can I go anywhere when I am such a freak I might turn into a wolf and become a lab rat in some government facility? These thoughts turn over in my mind again and again until I finally fall asleep.

I wake up crying, I dreamed I was alone, completely alone. And I am. I am in the middle of nowhere, in my car, crying and I am completely alone. Am I going to hide in these woods for the rest of my life? No, but I can not go home, and I can not go anywhere else, at least not until I can control myself. Its no use regretting my life at the moment, its not going to change, so I just have to make the best of it. Its time for breakfast. I look at my meager pickings and wonder how long the food is going to last. I do know about a few edible plants, I could go hunting for them, that should add to my rations so that they will last longer. I guess that will be my daily task, hunting for food. I grab an apple, some water and decide to go explore.

I tried to pay attention to what direction I was going, I did not want to get lost. I would periodically stop and make an arrow out of some rocks lying around pointing the direction I came from. My dad used to take us to harvest fiddleheads in the spring. I was hoping I might find some, but I might not because it is latter in the spring than usual. Even if I did, I would most likely have to eat them raw, unless I could figure out how to rub two sticks together to start a fire. So far however, I am having no luck. I am almost out of water so I head back to my car. It has already been several hours and I am getting hungry again. I walked confidently in the direction I had just come from watching carefully for the arrows I had made to point me to the car. I had walked further than I thought, it took me some time to get back to the car, but thanks to my little arrows I was able to find my way back. I did not lock the car, I did not think there was a need, but it looks as if someone or something has found my food and absconded with most of it. Worry fills me. Am I safe here? Was it a person or an animal, I can not tell. Maybe it is not so secluded here as I had first supposed. I am feeling myself getting angry. I take a deep breath and try to calm down and then I notice my purse has been messed with as well, now I know it was a person, what animal would steel stuff out of a purse? My remaining money is gone. The car keys are gone. Why is the car still here then? Are they still around? Did I frighten them off? I am scared, whoever has my keys could be hiding in the trees waiting from me, watching my every move. I am starting to shake, what happens if I change right here and whoever it is sees me? This thought does nothing to calm me. I decide to run into the woods hopping that I run in a direction other than the one occupied by this stranger watching me. I run the direction I went earlier, I run far enough I feel safe from prying eyes. I can not hold myself any longer and I let my emotions take me.

Voices immediately fill my head, but I can not heed them, I need to make sure I am safe. I smell the air. I can smell so many different scents, but I can pick out my human scent, and another, I can follow it. I slowly make my way back to the car sniffing out this other human scent. It is an old man who looks like he has make the woods his home for a long time. He does not see me yet. He has gone back to the car to rummage some more. I growl and show my teeth. "Holy!" the man has a wild look about him, he slowly backs away and drops my belongings he is carrying. I move towards him and stop to sniff what he has dropped to see what is there. My keys, good, he takes the opportunity while I am distracted to turn and run. I do not care as long as I can retrieve my things, oh good, there is the money. It looks like he took a bite of one of the apples, I will leave that behind. I am feeling relieved that I have not been stranded here. I start to pay attention to the voices now. "_Leah, come home!"_


	7. Reluctance

Cords bind me, or it feels that way. My will is gone. No, it is there, it is just buried under this weight. "what is happening to me?" Sam's voice penetrates my mind "you must come home, your mother is worried about you. I am the alpha Leah, when I command, you obey. What you are feeling is the weight of the command, it compels you to follow my instructions. In this way, we can be of one purpose when there is danger, when we need to protect the tribe."

"Sam, I can not do this, please do not make me do this!" I am crippled as feelings of loss and pain overwhelm me. The others are silent as they interpret my despair. Sadness permeates the group in understanding. I can feel Sam's guilt and self loathing at what happened between us. It does not make me feel better, it just makes my loss more poignant.

"I am sorry Leah, I can not stop what is happening to you or change it. You will involuntarily change into a wolf for a time, until you develop control. When you change , I will be there, so will everyone else, we will be a part of each others minds, it is inevitable. We must bear it. In the mean time, we need you Leah. The tribe is in danger. Our enemies continuously violate our territory. Those of us who have been patrolling for months now are tired and need rest, we need you to help take the burden off of the rest of us." Of course he has to appeal to my sense of loyalty and duty.

"I am far away, it will take time for me to get home." My reluctance is palpable and the heaviness weighs on everyone.

"Where are you Leah?" Sam is looking for clues to my whereabouts through my senses, but there are none, its just an indistinct wooded area.

"I am near Teanaway Butte, nearly 300 miles away. It took me 6 hours to get here, and I am not certain I have enough gas money to get all the way back." I really did hope that it would be far enough away that I would not be able to hear the pack, guess it was not.

"300 miles, hu? I wonder how far away you would have to go?" Sam was speculating on this new information. If we had a pack large enough, we could hunt our enemies anywhere. "Do you think you can get to Sequim?"

"Maybe?" I could see where his thoughts were going, and I did not like it.

"You drive for 3 hours, and then check in, I will have Jacob and Jared drive to Sequim with Billy and you and Jacob can wolf it back."

well, I did not know why I had to "wolf" it back with Jacob, and I did not want to go back at all, but I could feel the weight of the alpha command on me that I must come home. I was not going to be able to drive with four legs, so I needed to relax so I could phase back to human.

"Remember to check back in three hours Leah." That reminder does little to help me relax.

It was another ten minutes before I was able to drive home. I was stuck listening too and becoming acquainted with the voices of the other wolves. Seth was with them, he was easy to pick out. Who else was here? "Jared here Leah, welcome to the pack." "Hello, I'm Paul." "Hi Leah, this is Jacob, Jared and I will be seeing you in a few hours, you will be able to meet Quil then also."

"See you then" I thought reluctantly. I could hear some chuckles as I phased.

Ok, this is getting old already. I head to my car to find some clothes, it is a good thing I stopped by the thrift store. That old man left his stench all over everything, ugh. I will want to fumigate my car when I get home. I retrieve what looks to be something wearable and put it on. I am ready to go, I feel the pull to go, stinking alpha command, how could I have known about that? All my plans to run away ended just like that. I start the car and as I turn the car around, I see that old man hiding in the bushes. I wonder if he saw anything. Oh, well, not like I can do anything about it now. Hopefully he will think he was hallucinating or something.

Three hours does not take long when you are not wanting to get to where you are going. I have not made it to Sequim yet though. I am almost to Poulsbo. I find a place to pull over where I feel safe going into the woods a ways to phase. I have spent what money I had on gas. I have enough to go a little further than Sequim, but the plan is already made. Jacob should already be waiting for me. I have never phased on purpose before, it has always been from anger or panic. How do you phase on purpose? I concentrated on being a wolf, feeling four legs beneath me instead of two, imagining voices in my head that are not mine. I open my eyes, no, still me. This is getting frustrating. I guess I will just have to get mad. I had better undress first, maybe its a good thing I did not change at first, I would have ruined another change of clothes. Finding things to be happy about is not going to get the job done. I know I can come up with a myriad of things to be upset about, but its like not being able to find a pen when you need one. They are everywhere when you do not need one, but the minute you need one, they are nowhere to be found. I hear a sound in the woods. Great, I am naked, I can feel panic set in. This is good I would rather be a wolf than caught standing naked in the woods. Relief fills me as I hear those voices in my head.

"Leah, where have you been?" This is the first thought from Sam.

"Hello to you too. Sorry, I have never phased on purpose before, I ended up getting scared and phasing that way. How do you phase on purpose anyway?" Not that I really want to phase.

"We will teach you, but first, where are you?"

"I am just south of Poulbo, hold on, there is something going on here, can you hear that?"

"Leah, you are in a more populated area, even if you are in the woods, there are more people around." Here I am scaring myself, of course there are more people. I can still hear the highway.

"It is going to take me another hour to get to Sequim."

"On the west side of town the highway crosses a river, Billy and Jared and Jacob are waiting for you there. You better get going, we do not want to keep them waiting." "Yes sir!" I reply sarcastically. I might be under "orders" but I do not have to like it. It did not take me as long this time to phase back. I was dressed and on the road again. One short hour left of freedom. I decided to make the most of it by blasting my favorite tape and not thinking about wolves or Sam.


	8. Resignation

I found it difficult to enjoy what used to be my favorite tape, I listened to this tape with Sam, so I also found it difficult not to think of Sam. I turned it off after the second song. I will have to get some new music. Instead I found myself thinking about the legends of my tribe. Taha Aki had three wives, but it was the third wife that was his true mate, that he imprinted on. His wives were lucky in the fact that they had passed away before he imprinted on his third wife and did not have to suffer the loss of a husband to another woman. I wonder what its like to be imprinted on, I could ask Emily, but considering who had imprinted on her, I should probably find someone else to ask. I wonder if any of the other wolves have imprinted on someone? Now that I myself am a wolf, would I imprint on someone? If I did, then the hard feelings over the loss of Sam would disappear, I would be healed from that in a moment, that is something I could hope for.

As I neared the west end of Sequim I could see a bridge and a car parked off to one side of the highway, that must be Billy Black with Jacob and Jared. I slowed down and pull in behind them. I turned off my car and let out a deep sigh, this is the end of my short lived freedom. I get out of the car. I knew Jared and Jacob, from school, but never really spoke to them much, now I will be part of their secret pack.

"Hello Leah" Billy addressed me as I walked up to the drivers side car door. "Hello Mr. Black." "Leah, you know my son Jacob and Jared? If you don't know them, you will soon." Jacob and Jared both said hello, they were nice and had a strange sort of excited air about them.

Jared put his hand out for my keys. "I have some money to fill your tank, and I will see you kids back in La Push." Jared sprinted to my car and was gone. I was not expecting him to leave so soon and wondered if I needed my purse or anything out of my car. I was going to be leaving here on four legs, how was I going to carry a purse? I guess I do not need anything out of the car.

"Bye dad." Jacob waved to his dad as he began to pull onto the highway. An arm shot out of the car window and waved goodbye as it moved farther into the distance. I am stuck here, with Jacob, with nothing pleasant to look forward too. Jacob turns to me "So, are you ready to try your hand at being a wolf?"

"Honestly, no with a capitol N." I reply.

Jacob led me down under the bridge to the south side of the highway. "We will follow the riverbed south until we hit the mountain range, then we will head east avoiding populated areas. Are you particularly fond of what you are wearing right now? I guess what I am asking is do you want to remove them or shred them?"

I had to think about this for a moment. I was not particularly fond of what I had on, but I was quickly reducing what cloths I did have. On the other hand, where was I going to take them off , I was standing under a bridge with some boy I did not know. " Jacob, where can I take them off in private, and then how am I suppose to phase?"

"I can explain a few things to you then you can go behind some of those trees, and try to phase on your own. I need to phase also and I can change while you are behind the trees. Oh and here is a thong to tied your clothes on so you don't have to carry them in your mouth. Before you phase you tie the thong like this on your leg and fold your clothes through it like this, you got it?"

"Yeah I see."

"So, when you are young, the easiest way to phase is just to get mad, but as you mature you start to discern an underlying quiet place within and when you enter that place with your mind, you will phase. Its kind of like a door into nothing."

"I will go try. What if I can not figure it out?"

"We will stay here until you do."

Of course, otherwise we will be walking on two feet and it will take us several days. I go behind the trees and find a spot that feels comfortable and I undress, tie the thong onto my leg and and fold my clothes the way Jacob showed me. I center myself and look for the "door into nothing", at first I do not feel anything but after a few minutes I do kind of feel a place, but after several attempts, I was not able to enter and decided to get angry about something. I thought about my favorite shirt that got shredded in my living room and felt frustration but then remembered all the times I wore that with Sam and decided it was one less thing to remind me of him. Then I thought about the situation I was in now and what it was going to require me to do, and how I was already struggling with just those few moments that I did share his thoughts and the pain it brought me and that what I was trying to do was going to bring me right back into that. My mind revolted at the idea and I physically cringed with the frustration of such a predicament.

"Leah, are you and Jacob on your way?" Sam's thoughts entered my mind.

"Yes, we will be on our way shortly, Jacob was waiting for me to phase." I tried to empty my thoughts and feelings. Maybe if I feel nothing it will be easier. I come out from behind the tree and Jacob is waiting.

"Can you go back behind the tree for a minute Leah? I want to change also now that you have phased."

I walk back behind the tree, knowing that I will hear him in my mind as soon as he phases, and I will know to come back out from behind the tree.

"Alright, are you ready to go?" Jacob thought. That was my que to come out.

Jacob and I trotted south along the creek bed. We could hear the others conversations and listened and Jacob had joined in when he had something to say. I tried to be completely blank, I needed to practice that if I was going to be sane.

I started to understand that I was not the only one frustrated by the intimacy of being connected in this way to – I counted in my mind how many wolves were present- seven other wolves. Each in turn would periodically wander in their mind to something that had happened or something they were looking forward too or something they were struggling with. Paul was the black sheep so to speak because he was still struggling with his temper. Seth was practically jumping up and down in excitement just being a part of this. Embry was struggling with not being able to tell his mom, he was constantly getting in trouble because he was out running patrol at night and she thought he was sneaking out and getting into trouble. Jacob was obsessing about Bella Swan. In a very short time I was becoming acquainted with the lives and struggles of everyone. My struggles were out in the open as well, as hard as I tried to hide it, things would slip out. Sam would have a thought about Emily, I would react in pain. I did not mean too, it just happened, but Sam was getting embarrassed then angry. So, then I react to his anger. This is a nightmare. I tried to distract myself by paying more attention to where Jacob and I were going. We had reached the mountain range and were heading east now. We would come across some farms, but for the most part we were miles from the towns.

"Is being in the pack always like this Jacob?"

"You mean knowing everyone's secrets? Yes, but you get used to it, and everyone tries to be considerate and understanding. It is a pain though." I could hear the consent of several others.

"That part can be hard." I heard Quil think. "But I am glad to have my friends back and be a part of what was going on, that was really rough on me to loose my best friends one by one to be left alone." Quil played back in his mind the struggle he went through as he wondered what was happening with Embry and Jacob. I was in awe of the drama that this trait had already caused. "It is such a relief to be in the know, and being a wolf is awesome!" He must be over it now I thought.

I was beginning to resign myself to being here and because of that a strong desire to get home began to grow inside me. Jacob picked up on that and started to run faster.

"Want to race?"

It had been a while since I ran, I was pretty good at school, but It would be interesting to see how fast I could go in this form. "Sure, but I am not sure where I am going, if I were able to run faster than you how would I know where to go?"

"Well, if you use your nose, you can smell things. If you concentrate, you can smell people, other animals, cars and the ocean. We are trying to get home, we want to avoid people so when you smell cars or what a town smells like, then we go around that, when you smell the ocean then you know you are getting close. We do have a sense of direction. It could be an experiment for you."

"Well, you start."

"Ready, Set...GO!"

Jacob shot out in front and I followed closely behind, I was surprised at how easy it was to keep up with him and knew that I could easily go faster. I decided to take his advice and see if I could find my way, If I got lost, I am sure that they would come get me. I sped up and passed Jacob easily. I mostly concentrated on running but I did try to smell the air and was delighted that I could discern the differences in smells. I could smell other animals and even hear things. Jacob was actually some lengths behind me and loosing ground.

"Come on Jacob, are you going to let a girl beat you?"

"I would like to see you try Embry, she is fast!"

"Where are you Jake, Embry and I could meet you." Quil could not get enough of being a wolf it seemed.

"We are almost to forks, we are going to cut south and avoid the town"

This information caught me off guard. I slowed down as Jake turned south. How long had we been running? It did not seem that long and I was not tired at all. I remember running up mountains and down, following valleys and also things blurring past me, but I was so caught up in my own thoughts and the thoughts of the others that I did not think about what that might mean.

"We have never really clocked it, but we can run several times faster than a car, and we can catch vampires." Quil offered this information with great enthusiasm. "The guys took out a vampire that was going to kill Bella before I phased, I wish I could have been there." I saw many versions of this event as everyone remembered. Jacob was feeling frustration, resentment, betrayal and jealousy. He was all over the place with his emotions. He pictured Bella clearly in his mind and the longing was almost overwhelming. There were flashes of the past running through his mind, Bella smiling, Bella falling, lots of scenes in the emergency room. I did not understand his fascination with her, but Jacob could not seem to think of anything else at the moment, it was starting to be nauseating. Its like watching a love scene that is too intense, you want to leave but you do not have the option of looking away. I know someone used to think of me that way.

"Think about something else Jacob." Sam used his alpha voice. It was a relief to not have to be in the middle of Jacobs fantasy, but I do not like Sam's alpha voice and felt sorry for Jacob.

We turned back west again and I could smell a hint of ocean. I could also smell other wolves. Embry and Quil were just ahead of us and joined us as we passed them. I was almost home again and resigned to dealing with whatever difficulty this would bring me.


	9. Is it so rare?

Having spent most the day on four legs, I was ready to be myself, alone. Sam had insisted on instructing Seth and I on what it meant to be in the pack, our obligations and our current situation with the leech that was violating our territory. Her name was Victoria and she was after Bella. Through Bella the pack discovered that some vampires have extra abilities and skills. The thought was that this Victoria was one of them, but we were unsure of what that extra ability might be. The family on our doorstep also had members with extra abilities. One of the females could see future events, but the pack was pretty smug that she could not see them. Edward who was Bella's boyfriend and Jacob's rival could read minds and one of the other males could alter peoples emotions. Most of the pack had experienced his ability, and I could remember with them what it felt like.

My mom was waiting for me when I got home.

"How are you doing?" the concern was plain on her face.

"This is hard on me. I did not choose this, and the duties that go with it are being forced upon me. I do not understand why I can not just be left to myself. I understand that when I phase that whoever is a wolf in that moment will be in my head, but I could change back in a few moments and go on with my life. I have been made to understand that those already protecting the tribe could use the extra hands, and I do want to help alleviate that, but it is like involuntarily falling into a volcano and it is painful to be that close to Sam. It seems I have no choice in any of it. I hope I can bear it well, but I feel unequal to the task. My attempts to escape it have been in vain. How do I do it?"

"Resign yourself to it – it is not every hour and it does not have to be forever. In those moments you have to yourself, exercise and practice self control, engage in calming and soothing pursuits. I know you came home to be a support to me, but I will be fine, you need to help yourself. I love you, go get some rest now." she embraced me and led me to my room.

I had to be back on patrol in eight hours. I set my alarm clock to wake me up in six hours to give myself time to shower and eat. I was so exhausted I fell asleep almost immediately.

I dreamed.

A name was being called. It was not my name, it was not Leah, but I knew they were calling for me. The voice sounded familiar, I wanted to find it. It was my greatest wish to join them. I knew that finding them would lead me to joy and fulfillment. My dream morphed into a conglomeration of our tribes histories. Q'wati creating the Quileutes from wolves. Taha Aki taking on the form of a wolf when his body was stolen. The third wife's sacrifice , Taha Aki choosing to remain a wolf and never being seen more. The name was being called again.

I was jolted awake by my alarm. I had to lay there for a minute to come back to reality. The dream was so intense and real that I had to shake myself out of it. I have patrol in two hours. I needed to shower and eat. Ugh, why is this my life?

Sam, Jared and Paul were just finishing up their shift. Sam was going to stay on with us for the first two hours, then Jacob and Quil would take over for Sam. When the two hours were up Sam just laid down and went to sleep where he was. It did not seem to bother him, but I guess when you are the alpha, comfort is not high on the list of priorities. I was paired with Quil and Seth with Jacob. Quil was easy to get along with, he was happy to answer any of my questions and fill me in on the goings on. Jacob would interject his own version of whatever story Quil was telling and Seth was taking it all in like a sponge. Quil took me to check out one of Victoria's old trails so I could get her scent. It was starting to fade and I knew that it would be stronger if it was fresh. I was becoming more acquainted with Jacobs obsession with Bella Swan. His recent anger had been replaced with joy, because she had come to see him, and they were able to hash out some hard feelings. Their friendship had been renewed and it released much of his tension.

We all were aware when Sam woke up. His first thought was of Emily. "We will have a meeting at Emily's house when your shift is over. He phased out shortly after that. We only had a little over an hour to go and it went by fast.

Emily was watching her two nieces Rebekah and Claire. They were down for a nap when we got there, and Emily had made a nice meal for all of us to share. Fish, biscuits and greens with some brownies for dessert. Everyone was talking and laughing, it was nice to relax a little bit. Sam cleared his throat as a signal to get down to business.

"Jacob, how was your shift? Did you find anything?"

"Nothing new, Leah and Seth were shown some old trails to get her scent."

"Good. I thought since our numbers have increased we could spread the workload out. Embry, Jacob, Quil and Seth are still in school and so we need to take that time into account. The schedule will then be as follows: Myself, Jared, Paul and Leah will switch off eight hour shifts. The first shift will be from 11pm to 7am and 7am to 3pm. The next shift might be a little late but then Seth, Jacob, Embry and Quil will switch off in four hour shifts 3pm to7pm and 7pm to 11pm. On weekends and over summer we can switch things up a little. Everyone will be on call for emergencies. Any Questions?

Just then we heard some fussing coming from another room and Emily went to check on her nieces.

"Seth would you be willing to go a few more hours?"

"Yeah, I could do a few more."

"That would help us transition to this new schedule. Quil..."

Just at this moment Emily came back into the room with Claire, her noise had not waken Rebekah.

"Quil."

Quil was staring at Claire with his mouth wide open and a look of wonder on his face. I do not think anyone here had witnessed anyone imprint accept for myself, Emily, Sam and Jared.

"She is so young, can this be right?" Emily was concerned.

"The legends say that age is not a constraint when it comes to imprinting, and we know what its like for the imprinter, they become whatever their mate needs. So he will be a great big brother. My concern is that this is the third time. It was thought to be rare, at this point nearly half the tribe has imprinted.

Sam's unconcern about her age was enough for Emily and she sat Claire on Quil's lap, both seemed happy with this arrangement.

"Quil is not going to be putting in extra hours just now so, Seth if you could go until 5pm and Jacob can stay with Embry and Quil can go 5pm until 11pm. Paul and I will take 11pm to 7am and Jared and Leah can take 7am to 3pm.

I was grateful that Sam did not ask me to do the extra hours and that he paired me with someone besides himself for the next shifts. I knew he would be checking in with us often. Oh, blessed freedom for almost 16 hours.


	10. Swing of things

Chapter 10

I was glad to reach the solitude of my room. I had been waspish and I did not want to treat the people I loved that way. I did not want to admit that this situation was affecting me, but the truth is, that it was affecting me a lot. I did not know why Jacob could not just get over Bella, she was with someone else, and from the thoughts and pictures in Jacobs head, she had made it clear that she was not interested in him that way. Still, she was coming back too, like she got some sort of pleasure from dragging it on. It was bad enough having a relationship stop with no warning, but to drag the pain out by giving someone hope that something might happen? I would not wish that on my worst enemy. I can only think that Bella is a user and I have no patience with people like that.

Here I was alone and I was wasting time thinking about inconsequential things. I have been wanting to study some more on our tribal histories because I was a wolf, and because there was something about that dream that is pulling at me. I know there are some books in my dads study. He had many books on our histories because of his position on the tribal counsel. I started with the legend of Q'wati, and how he created the Quileute people from wolves. Q'wati traveled the world teaching people how to be good. When he reached this land it had no people, but he found wolves and so he turned the wolves into people and that is how the Quileute people came to be.

I woke up to my mom asking me if I wanted dinner. I had fallen asleep reading. I was hungry, and felt bad because I should have been awake helping her make dinner. She had not expended a large amount of energy making dinner though, so I did not feel as bad. I did need a nap I guess. Seth was back from putting in extra hours and although he sounded like he loved every minute of it, it looked like he would fall asleep in his dinner any moment. I suppose we were lucky that our parent was in the know and we could share our adventures at the dinner table. I ate the salad and pre-made lasagna from the store and allayed my guilt by cleaning up the dishes. I had for the most part been able to keep from shredding any more clothes, but I though I should do some laundry so Seth and I would have some clean clothes to work with. I could not be sure of the next time I would loose it and ruin another set of clothes. It has really only been a few days, but it felt like an eternity since I had first phased. I spent a little more time cleaning around the house and then decided that I needed a good nights sleep, I would have to be ready to "work" at 7am.

The alarm woke me at 5:30. I slept hard. It took me a few minutes to really wake up. I showered and ate breakfast and pondered on why I was the only woman, only girl to phase. I was due any day for my monthly visitor and I wondered how I was going to deal with that as a wolf. Could I beg off? That would be the best thing ever. I would have another reason to appreciate being a women.

The day was uneventful, Jared and I made the rounds and found nothing new.

"How are you handling being a wolf girl?" Jared was trying to engage me in small talk.

" It is hard, not necessarily being a wolf, but what I have to do because of it."

"Yeah, I understand, there are a lot of things happening because of having to be in a pack. The nudity, not being able to keep secrets. The list goes on. I think Embry suffers the most. First he can not tell his mom, and second everyone thought his dad was a Makah. Well, if he is a wolf that means he is a descendant of Taha Aki, his mom is a Makah so that means his dad is a Quileute. Everyone who qualifies was married, so who had an affair? That would be a difficult discussion to have with your mom. Oh, and the imprinting stuff. I am not complaining for myself, I know what its like to imprint and I do not mind it at all. Poor Emily though, I feel bad for Sam."

"What about Emily? Why should you feel bad for Sam?" I was unaware of why Sam had anything to be unhappy about, except for what happened between us.

"Well, you know. Emily's accident. Oh, sometimes I forget who was wolf when. I was not a wolf yet when it happened either. But Emily was standing too close to Sam when he got angry about something, and he phased and raked her down the side with his claws. He is still torn up about it. He does not like it when people stare at her."

"I guess I only got the accepted version of the story." Poor Emily. Well, she obviously has forgiven him. Wow, that is certainly something to think about.

"Oh, yeah, the bear attack story was only to help keep the secret. I have been extra careful around Kim, but honestly, since I have imprinted, I feel a lot calmer and hardly get mad at all."

About that time Sam joined us to check and see how things were.

"Nothing new to report." Jared relayed.

"I want you two to go check the border of the Cullen land and see if you get anything, she has been known to skip back and forth across that border."

"We are on it." Jared and I took off toward that part of our lands. We had been there earlier but it is always good to check again.

The week went pretty much like this, I switched off between Jared and Paul. Paul was different to work with. He was getting better incrementally. He would start thinking about food or something innocuous and all the sudden he was angry. He was already a wolf so he wasn't shredding clothes but it happened often. I made sure not to run too close to him. I often suggested we split up because it was easy for me to snap back at him and I did not like acting that way. I had my problems thinking about things also and the others noticed. I was thinking about Emily and Sam, Emily had asked if I would be her bridesmaid. I swallowed hard and said yes. I know I will get over it some day.

Friday came and I was starting to wonder. I had not had my monthly visitor yet. It was only a few days late, but I was rarely late. I could blame it on stress. Being changed into a wolf and having to spend time with the ex who does not want you anymore, yeah, that is stressful.

Saturday we were changing up the schedule so more of us were patrolling at a time. Sam met with all of us and made it clear that we were not to tell anyone about our increase in numbers, we all knew that he was trying to protect the pack and give us an advantage. Jacob was torn up about Bella again. He feels like he really messed up and he tried to apologize but has not heard back from her. The pack was wary about what was going to happen there. My genetics are geared to be repulsed by vampires so I can not even imagine why anyone would want to be that. Well, I already do not like her so it will be no change for me one way or the other.

While I was on patrol, Jacob phased to give us some important information. There had been an unknown vampire at Bella's house, they do not know yet what it was after, but it was there while her dad was sleeping. They are grateful that it left Charlie alone, but it has scared Bella and the Cullens. They had tracked it until it apparently got into a car so they could not track it from that point. Although we could discern most things through memory, smell was a little more difficult, but I guess you got better at it as you mature. Sam's reaction was to ramp up patrols. If those stupid vampires were not here, I would not have to do this. If Bella was not here those stupid vampires would go away. That is how I saw it anyway. I would still have my love if those vampires were not here. I perceived that Sam flinched at my thoughts, so I worked to quell them.

The Cullen vampires and the pack were going to work together so we could protect Bella and Charlie Swan. Jacob would be the one to set watch at the Swan house for the most part. Good, I did not want any extra work.

Tonight was going to be a tribe council meeting. We were going to hear a retelling of some of our tribal histories. The ones pertaining to the packs history. I have heard them before, but not in this context. I was glad, because I have been wanting to understand and learn more about why I was a wolf, or why we were wolves. Is there something I could do to change it. The dream I had was still in the back of my mind.


	11. Histories

Chapter 11

I arrived at the council meeting late. I knew we would not be starting with the histories until after the meal. I wanted to avoid certain situations and people.

I have noticed that my appetite has increased since I changed, but I still had not gained a deeper appreciation for hot dogs. I could eat them, sure, but I would rather eat something else.

My mom and brother arrived earlier, so I just sat down on the ground next to them. I avoided looking at the happy couples, even the ones that were not couples. I wanted to concentrate on the histories and think. I did not want to be distracted by my feelings about other things. As I waited for everyone to settle and the meeting to start I stared at the fire and thought about the dream I had. I could not remember the name that was being called, I wish I could, It was not my name, but it was meant for me. What could it mean?

Billy Black cleared his throat. He would be our chief if we still had chiefs. That would make Jacob the alpha, but he had turned it down when Sam offered it to him. I wish he hadn't, he might have been more willing to let me off the hook, who knows. All these little things, all these moments, decisions, if they had been different I might still be with Sam.

I realized I was not paying attention like I should.

Kaheleha was the first great Spirit Chief. We were spirit warriors before we were wolves. I knew this before as legend, now that I knew it was real, how could I use this knowledge to help myself? As I continued to listen, I had to amend my earlier thoughts concerning Taha Aki's wives, when Utlapa took over his body, he did take other wives, so I guess at least one of Taha Aki's wives knew how I felt.

I so appreciated having time where I could think and not have everyone else in my head. I think we were all becoming more adept at keeping certain thoughts for human time only.

Taha Aki was in the spirit world because he had no body. He asked a wolf to share its body with him. He was not permanently in the wolf body though because he left the wolf body to talk to Yut. He had the freedom to enter and leave at will. It was his anger his vast anger that transformed the wolf into a man, and Taha Aki regained a body. "He was the flesh interpretation of Taha Aki's spirit." There was something about that sentence that sounded important. Taha Aki was a man of peace and wisdom.

It seems backwards that when we go through the transformation, we become easily agitated also and prone to anger, and in order to actually be able to become the wolf, we have to make ourselves angry until we mature enough to be able to do it on purpose. And Taha Aki became angry to become a man. I thought again about what Jacob had told me about the quiet place or door to nothing. That as you mature you start to discern that. I remember that I tried to reach that place before, but was unable to enter. It has not been that long, but I have not tried again.

I remember when I was younger how I wanted to be older, and the frustrated at not being able to participate in certain activities because I was "too young". I am feeling that same way now. I am not mature enough yet to reach that quiet place.

I turned my attention back to Billy and Taha Aki. He ended spirit travels, but Billy did not say if Taha Aki still could, just that it was now too dangerous. So, it was once he became the Spirit Man or Great Wolf that he did not age. So, the way I look as a wolf reflects my true self? Hm, that is something to ponder on.

The others were bantering about how they looked as wolves too. I was not the only one who found that interesting.

Well now, here is some precedent I can use in my favor, some sons did not like the transformation and refused to join the pack.

Billy ended his story and old Quil Ateara began the story of the third wife. I had heard this story before. I wish we knew her name. I have gotten into the habit of zoning out when this story is told just because I have heard it so often. This time I listened more because this is where the "cold ones" are introduced as an enemy. This is why we are wolves now, because vampires are near. We have learned from this story that we should defend with more than one wolf. This Victoria is the threat now, but she is not attacking us, she is trying to avoid us. We know she has killed here though and we do not want that to happen again, so we patrol. I listen to the end where Taha Aki stayed a wolf. stayed by her body for a day and then went into the woods and never returned.

Mr. Ateara, continued telling how trouble with the cold ones was rare after that and our wolf numbers remained small because our enemy only showed up in ones and twos. After some generations we stopped changing into wolves unless a cold one came around. It was not until the Cullen's came into the territory again that our numbers have been so many. I felt the sorrow in me grow, the sorrow of my own loss as Mr Ateara said that the sons of the tribe bear the burden and share the sacrifice of their fathers. But I am not a son, I am a daughter, nowhere did it explain why I was a part of this. And If I am a descendant and have these genes then why did Sam not imprint on me? Is there something wrong with me? My eyes were leaking and I quickly wiped away the evidence.

The meeting was over, and I got up and said goodbye to a few people and went home. It was late and I had to get up early for my shift. I had a lot of things to think about and little time to do it. I was not afraid to walk home by myself, I could turn into a wolf and take care of anything that might stalk me, but it was pretty safe in La Push from normal crime. I let my mind wander on the subject of what It meant that my appearance as a wolf was the reflection of my true self. I had not taken much time to examine what I looked like as a wolf, beyond seeing what others saw when they looked at me in wolf form, I had not really seen myself. At a glance, I would say I was a gray wolf, if there are any other markings, I do not know. I was still wondering about it when I fell asleep.


	12. A Quiet Place

Chapter 12

I was in a wooded area. I could hear voices, two distinct voices. Men's voices. They both spoke with power and authority, but one was greater than the other. I was not sure what direction the voices were coming from, but it felt wrong to go looking for them.

"You have been a great and kind leader of your people, my people." I listened as the greater man addressed the other. "Because of your goodness, I grant you a gift."

As the last words were spoken the scene morphed into one of pain and suffering, I saw the Great Wolf – Taha Aki. His grief was palpable as he laid beside the body of his third wife. It was like I was him, I could feel his loss in my bones. I could not breath the pain was so great. The scene changed again as I experienced a lesser pain in comparison. It was my pain, my loss. I relived the moment I lost Sam, but it was different, distant somehow. This was a dream, and I knew it even as I dreamed. I took a step back from the scene of Sam imprinting on Emily and I compared my pain to what I felt was Taha Aki's pain. It was pitiful in comparison. I saw my mother kneeling over my fathers body and weeping. My own pain resonated with these scenes but was also diminished by them. Then I heard that voice again, that voice calling that name that was not mine, but was mine. Longing and anticipation filled me.

I was jolted awake again by my alarm. I still felt very tired and the feelings of longing still clung to me. I laid there thinking about my dream, it seemed so real. Things are getting out of hand in my mind. Our histories, my dreams, being a wolf...a she wolf no less, my wolf appearance reflecting my true self, I have not started my period. I had no time to really think about it on my own. I made myself get up so I could get a shower. Why have I not started my period? Could I be pregnant? No, no way, I have not done anything to make me pregnant. There must be something wrong with me, but with all this transforming into a wolf, how am I suppose to go to a doctor and explain why my temperature is so high I should be in a coma? I have been awake for roughly 30 minutes and already today is shaping up to be very stressful. I was in danger of phasing right here in the shower. I started humming to a song that used to play on the radio during my parents youth, Monday Monday...can't trust that day.

School was out for summer break in La Push so most of us were out on patrol, which means everyone had front row seats to my mental breakdown. Sam was increasingly vigilant because of the vampire that visited the Swan residence and so we were all in emergency mode. Still, nothing was happening, no new trails. We were all just watching and waiting for nothing it seemed

I was somewhat distracted on patrol, worrying about my bodily cycles and all the boys were conspicuously ignoring my thoughts. Is it because I am a wolf that I am not starting my cycle? I mean Taha Aki did not age while he was a wolf, does that mean those types of functions stop? Will this ever end? Does this mean I will never be able to have children? Maybe I won't because if I could, why did Sam not imprint on me? Am I the only female wolf because I am defective? My life seems to just be getting worse and worse. I am feeling so sorry for myself I can sense that it is affecting the others. I could not help it, I was morning the loss of my future as a mother. My shift ended soon enough, but Sam wanted me back on in six hours. I will be up late tonight.

I had more to think about besides being barren. I decided to just rest in my room. I pondered on my dream from the night before, it seemed so real, but was it a message, or just a dream because of the stories about our histories lasts night. The voice sounds so familiar though, like I know who it belongs to.

I was awakened by a knock on my bedroom door. I croaked a groggy "come in".

Seth opened the door and was concerned that I would be late for my next shift. "You only have half an hour Leah".

I was not all that worried, what were they going to do, fire me? I should only be so lucky. I so wanted to be able to stop. I could use the precedence that some of the sons did not like to transform so they refused to join the pack. If I had enough maturity to control when I phase, that would help my argument. I had 30 minutes, I would practice looking for the "door into nothing". I decided to start by making sure I was as calm as I could be. I listened to the waves, it was dark outside and I could hear them if I concentrated. I breathed with the roll of the waves and almost fell asleep again. If that is not relaxed, I do not know what is. I center myself and look for that quiet place. I can feel it, that is a start. At first it seems to be a void, the idea of entering seems foreboding, but why would that be? Is it not a natural progression to use that as a means to phase? I decide to try and enter anyway, but as I get close to the void it seems to split in half, like there are two entrances. I do not know what to make of it, so I decided to wait and ask for clarification. I look at the clock and I am 15 minutes late. Oh well, I guess I better get going.

"Nice of you to finally show up." Paul had to have his two cents.

"Yeah, so I'm a few minutes late, wolves don't wear watches." everyone knew I did not want to be here, so I am sure it was not a big surprise. "Hey, Paul, could you tell me how to phase on purpose? Jacob explained it to me once, but when I have tried it seems different than how he explained it."

"Ha ha ha, Paul can't tell you, he hasn't been able to calm down enough, he only phases because he is mad." Embry was waiting for an opportunity to stick it to Paul, I guess they have some sort of rivalry going on.

"You are lucky you are on the other side of La Push" Paul had a vivid imagination about what he would do to Embry if he was close.

"Jeez Paul, reign it in, its not like he can either. Leah, most of us can not do it yet. Your best bet is to ask Sam or Jared."

"Thank you Quil. I guess I will have to wait until one of them is around."

"Sam is around somewhere sleeping, I am sure he will be awake soon."

Even though I did not particularly like being part of the pack, I did appreciate the easy going manner of some of my pack mates. Paul was not the easiest but the rest were ok for the most part. I did get annoyed by the not so private thoughts of those who were "in love", mostly because it reminded me that I was not anymore. Then I realized, I was not really in love anymore, I was not mourning Sam so much as the future that I thought that meant. Still, being around Sam was still extremely uncomfortable and nerve wracking because of the guilt and awkwardness that any little thought that either one of us had would create. I knew that my being a part of the pack was not easy for him either and that on some deep level, he did not want me around at all. Mostly because it reminded him of the pain he had caused me, because he still did care about my happiness. He knew I was not happy. Oh, it was this whole circle of cause and effect that never ends.

We were all following our patrolling patterns, our movements had created pathways in the undergrowth. There was nothing new, never anything new. My mind was wandering again. I was worried about my barrenness, but there was nothing I could do about that so I decided to leave it alone for a while. There were things I could not think about now, too personal. I was trying to find the door into nothing, but I was not having much luck, maybe its different when you are already a wolf. At the same time, I was not alone so, who knows what the magic formula is. Everyone was tired and that could make a difference as well I guess. I wondered what time it was, it felt like I had been out for hours.

"Have any of you found anything? Is there anything to report?" Sam must have just woken up.

"Nothing exciting at all" Paul grumbled.

"Sam, could you give us an explanation of what that quiet place is that we need to go to when we want to phase once we are calm enough?" At that moment I loved Embry like my own brother. I am glad that I did not have to ask.

"First of all, you have to understand that there has been a whole generation that has past since there were wolves. This is not something our elders have experienced themselves, so I am the first one to try to do this and so the knowledge of this is not complete. Jared also can do it so we should probably have a discussion on it when we are both present. It is possible that his experience could differ from mine. For me, I did not really start discerning that place until I imprinted. I think that is because imprinting matures you faster or makes you calmer. There is a difference between being able to control when you phase and doing it on purpose. It has been some time since I have phased unintentionally."

I was thinking that I have not phased unintentionally since like the first week, but then I realized that it is probably because I have either been a wolf or sleeping, there really has not been much time that I was awake and not a wolf.

"Leah has a point there. Anyway, you get calm, well its kind of centered more than calm. You search within yourself for that calm or quiet place, you might feel that it has volume, like it is a room or something. It might help you to picture it to be someplace special to you. You enter that place, you do not phase automatically unless you want to, it is like you can be in that space and be totally calm. You intend to change, and then you do. The more I do it, the easier and faster it becomes. If you have questions, we will talk about it more when Jared is here. Now, you say nothing has happened?" Sam listened and watched as we ran through our proceedings over the last several hours.

"I am going to go be human for a few hours, I will check on you guys again then, Jacob, Jared , Seth and myself will take over for you." Sam left and we felt him phase a few minutes later.

Jacob was already out, he was there but not interacting with us. He was patrolling Bella's house. I could feel some underlying chagrin because her vampire was also there, but he seemed determined. Jacob was on his way back now to get a few winks before his real shift.

This day just seems to go on forever, even though I know it is Tuesday now, it will not feel like that way until I go to sleep and wake up again. I hope these next few hours go fast.


	13. Commotion

Chapter 13

It was almost one O'clock in the afternoon, I had been sleeping for about seven hours. These rotating shifts are not fun, I am going to get my nights and days messed up, I would just as soon go back to my seven to three shift. I guess I am suppose to be back on already. No time for myself at all, luckily I showered before I went to bed.

When I phased, there was some commotion. The thoughts of the other wolves were thoughts of calmness and instruction. Immediately I understood what was going on, because I had been the one being calmed and instructed not long ago. Someone else had phased, we were getting another pack member, Collin Littlesea. He is so young. Seth was the youngest until now. How old is this boy? 13? They just keep getting younger. I hope he is the last one.

Collin was at home when he phased because he was not feeling well. Good thing too because we do not want that happening in public. I remember I was feeling off when it was me. Sam is off to inform the elders so they know another son has transformed. Then he told Collin to wait and he would come and get him. We were all wondering if there was going to be anyone else.

"Have you guys noticed anyone else growing like a weed? Looking twice their age?" Jacob was asking the rest of us.

"I do not get to look at anyone accept you guys." I can think of many other things I would rather be doing.

"We will ask Collin when he comes with Sam, he might have friends that are doing the same thing. It might be a good idea to assign someone to keep tabs on kids in the village. Sam was doing that, but we figured Quil would be the last, everyone else was too young." Jared was looking at Jacob as he spoke and Jacob agreed with this idea.

How many young boys do we have in the village? What age is too young? I was remembering that in the story of the cold ones and the third wife, when the vampire woman showed up in the village, she was so beautiful that the villagers were in the attitude of worship until a young boy cried because of the smell. It was that young boy who alerted the others that this was an enemy, not a deity. I suspect that boy was quite young, not even 10 years old. If he could smell the vampire at that age, he was probably ready to change himself. We were small in numbers because our enemies came in ones and twos. We have seven on our doorstep. With Collin we are nine, we outnumber them now. Surely that is enough, surely we do not need more.

If I volunteer to do this, I could use it as an excuse not to be on patrol all the time, because I would need time to take count of the possible candidates. Yep, I think I like this idea.

As soon as Sam came back it was the topic of discussion. Collin said his friend was also feeling odd, they were the same age.

"I did not even think about others phasing, certainly not my little cousin." Jacob was berating himself, but I can understand him not thinking about anything else because his mind has been on Bella most the time.

"You don't need to worry about what my mind has been on Leah."

"I am not worrying, just noting, it is impossible to stay out of your head sometimes, you are so loud,"

There were a few silent agreements, but mostly a desire to keep the peace. My thoughts turned back to what Jared had said earlier about Assigning someone to be aware of the possibility of other boys transforming.

"Jared mentioned earlier." everyone remembered together that conversation and I did not even finish my sentence. "And I volunteer to look into that."

"Well it seems that Brady Fuller will be a candidate, so you can start with him." Sam liked the idea just as much as I did and although we both knew the reason, it was taboo to even think it. "You can start right now. I want you to check in this evening."

"Yes Sir!" I was out of there. I raced home and put on some clothes. I sat down and pulled out the phone book. I did not know every individual in our little town, but I did know of most of the families. I went to look for my mom, but she did not appear to be home. She would be able to fill in a lot of information I did not have.

As I skimmed down the last names, I wrote down families that I knew had young teens and pre-teen boys. I should probably include girls as well. I might be the only girl in history, but since we did not know why I was the only girl, there might be more girls. We are a small town so it did not take long to go through the whole phone book. I wondered where my mom was.

I decided to go to the Fuller's house to check on Brady. He was related to me, some distant cousin type relationship. I knew both his parents worked so he was probably home alone. As I walked up to the door, it opened and my mom stepped out.

"Leah, what are you doing here?'

"Collin Littlesea just transformed today and we thought we should check in on other candidates to see if anyone else is showing symptoms. What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"Brady's mom called me because Brady is not feeling well, and she wanted my advice. He is showing symptoms, and its going to be soon, any minute now."

"Did you tell him anything? Maybe he should be told now, since we know he will phase." I was still whispering.

"No, not yet, I wanted to bring Bill and Quil over. The issue at the moment is that his mom is home and well, she can't know. This is going to be a problem if younger kids start phasing, the secret is going to be harder to keep. Perhaps we should let the parents in on it if the boys are so young."

"Well, I guess that is a council matter. Wouldn't it be better for you to tell him yourself now? If you troop the council in here that would look suspicious. I will see if I can distract Brady's mom so you can have a short private discussion."

"Or, maybe it would be better if you tell him and I distract his mom. I have things to talk to her about that would engage her, and you talking to her son would just seem natural."

"After you." I ushered her to the door

My mom knocked on the door and when Brady's mom answered the door she started off with, "Olivia, I forgot, I have been wanting to ask you..." I tuned her out and went over to Brady who was sitting on the couch.

"How are you feeling Brady?"

"I am feeling strange and I am mad all the time. Its just weird."

"What does your mom think it is?"

"She thinks it is some strange flu, she says mono has been going around and maybe that's what it is."

"I know what it is, but it is a secret. Can you keep a secret? And also I need you to listen carefully and be calm ok?"

"Is it bad?"

"Well, no, but you might not like it at first, it might take time to get used too. It is a huge secret, I need you to promise to keep it a secret."

"I promise, just tell me."

"You are a wolf." I whispered

"No, way, really?" he whispered back.

"Yes, because you are a descendant of Taha Aki, and I can prove it."

"How?" Still whispering.

"Come with me." I grabbed his hand and quickly led him outside. We ran across the street into the woods about 30 ft. "What makes you mad Brady?"

"When people make fun of me."

"Well, I want you to think about that real hard and I want you to get real mad." I stood and watched Brady as he thought about it. I was watching him start to shake, I stepped back to give him room. I hoped that getting him mad would get him to phase, so far it looked like it was working. "keep getting mad Brady, like you want to bite someones head off." He did not progress. Nothing happened. He was looking at me like I must be crazy. "You must not be quite ready yet, but you will transform, soon, and I want you to be prepared. There are nine wolves already, I am one of them. This morning our newest wolf transformed, you know him."

"This is a joke right? Your pulling my leg."

"No, it is not a joke. I am very serious."

"Well, you said you can prove it."

"I can. However if I phase in front of you, I will shred my clothes, and if I go behind a tree and undress first, you might not believe its me when I come back out. Besides, I do not want you to freak out."

"Your just making excuses."

"Fine, give me a second to get mad and I will, but you need to stay calm and not freak out and run away or anything. I am going to go behind those trees, give me a minute to change." I phased and asked if a couple of the guys could meet me so that they could phase back in front of Brady to help him understand, and bringing Collin would be a good idea. I stepped out from behind the tree.

"Um, Leah. Is that really you?" Brady was backing away from me. I laid down with my tongue out to try and lighten the mood. It worked.

"Wow, this is so cool. Am I dreaming? Is this real?" He pinched himself to see if he would wake up. Just then Sam and Collin entered our little spot. Sam phased, he was naked, and so I looked the other way. It took Collin a little longer. I decided it was my time to leave.

I went to go find my mom, she was just leaving the Fuller's house. "Mom, I really think you should have some kind of council about letting the parents know because these kids are young, and if any more phase, they will be getting younger. I need you to help me identify more kids that might phase. We went home and Mom called Billy Black to set up a meeting. I looked at the list of families I already made.

"Which families on this list have kids 8-13 and am I missing any families that have kids in that range? Then of those families, which are descendants of Taha Aki? I used the phone book to make up this list so it might help you to use it to jog your memory about who I might have missed."

It took us a little over an hour to reason out that I missed two families with kids that age, and we were sure of a few families that were descendants and we would have to guess at the rest. Now I just need to get the names of all the kids, make a list and get to know them. Seemed like a tall order.


	14. Calm before the storm

Chapter 14

"Emily, I was wondering if you could help me with a project. You know that Collin Littlesea joined our pack today right?"

"Yes, Sam checked in with me half an hour ago."

"Well, his friend Brady Fuller is also close to transforming and we are wondering when this is going to stop. I have volunteered to discover those who are likely to transform so that we can keep an eye out for the signs. Could you help me?"

"Yes, I can help you. I wonder what the easiest way to go about it would be?" We brainstormed and deliberated for some time. "I know, I could do a little week long activity time for kids in the age range you are looking at. I will learn their names and ages and give that information to you. Rebekah and Clair are going home tomorrow, so I can advertise and set it up for the week after next."

"Um, wow, yeah, thank you. That is a lot to do though, are you sure?"

"Well, it will only be an hour and a half for a few days. Its really not much. Plus I know that it would be an irresponsible thing for you to do because you might accidentally phase in the middle of them. The kids would be coming to us instead of us having to run all over the place to figure it out. I can ask your mom to help."

The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. "Well, I think it is a great idea actually, thanks again Emily. I need to go check in with the pack."

It was refreshing to have some time away from the pack, and although I did not really want to go back, I needed to report to Sam.

"What is your progress Leah?" Sam was all business.

"Well, as you know, Brady is so close to transforming, he could go anytime, and now he knows what to expect." I have a list of families with kids between the ages of 8-13. We have identified a few as being descendants of Taha Aki, but the rest we are not sure about. Emily is going to help me find out the names and ages of the kids in these families. We should have that info in about 2 weeks. I believe you will be getting a call from Billy or Quil about a counsel meeting to discuss the age of these young ones and whether or not parents should be included."

"I know some kids." Collin was eager to tell us what he knew.

"Well I would be happy to get all the names and ages of everyone you know." That would be helpful, we might get the information sooner.

"Good. Jacob, I think that you need to invent a camping trip for your little cousin and his friend. Hopefully we can convince Olivia Fuller that her son was just momentarily ill but that he is fine now. Brady will then be with us when he does phase. I will go speak with Billy now. Leah, I want you to fill in for me for a few hours. Jacob, come with me." And with that I was back on patrol.

"Fill me in, what happened with Brady after I left?" I asked Collin.

"He was surprised to see Sam phase. He got scared for a moment because you left. But then when I finally phased, he was kind of blown away and started to believe everything you told him. I told him what happened to me and that he was showing the same signs I did. He's cool with it."

"That is good do know, thank you. He is going to be joining us soon."

Nothing was going on, no new trails, nothing to report. In some ways it was making us jumpy. We felt something was going on. What was Victoria's next move, or was it this unknown vampire that was going to strike next? Sam was on the alert and that put the rest of us on alert. Still, it was calm, like the quiet before a storm. We just had to wait. I decided to use this time to focus on what I looked like when I crossed the vision of some one or other of my pack brothers. I had not had time recently to ponder anymore on my appearance as a wolf. I wondered if I would find some marking or something that might have significant meaning. So far I was just a gray wolf.

"I'll help." Collin came over and looked at me, slowly made his way all the way around me focusing on all the little details, not that there were any. His thoughts were plain as day. It was cute in a way, but he was too young for me. The poor kid was getting a little ribbing from the others.

"Knock it off , don't bully the new guy." I smiled. I have not done that in a while.

I would go off by myself and think, but it does not matter where I go, any thinking I do will be open to all. I guess pondering on my appearance is safe. I am a gray wolf. I do not remember anything unusual when Collin examined me. Does the color gray have any significance?

I still have not started my cycle, I am concerned about it, I am sure I could easily dismiss it as having something to do with being a wolf, but what if its not? Are any desires I might have had of having a family gone? This thought brought on such a powerful disappointment that I almost went human and naked in front of everyone.

"Cut it out Leah, you got me all weepy about having kids." Paul, always the angry one, he could use some other emotion in his life.

You know when there is something bad happening and everyone just turns their backs and pretends they are not there? Well, yeah.

"Don't feel sorry for me or anything. I'm just the only wolf girl genetic abnormality and imprint reject in the entire history of the world." And with that I found a safe place to phase and I went home. I do not need to be here anyway and if anyone says differently, well, too bad.

I would have been off by now anyway, I guess I still need to get up early and do patrol. Sam had us doing this modified eight hours on eight hours off kinda thing. I guess it makes sense for us newbies. If I am already wolf most of the time, the chances of me accidentally phasing somewhere I shouldn't is greatly reduced.

It was late and mom was already in bed, but she heard me come in and came out to see me. "How was your evening?"

"The usual. Did the council get together to discuss the age of the new member and whether or not to let parents know?"

"The council has decided to keep a close eye on each new boys situation and only include parents if it becomes an issue. It is better that the fewest number of people know."

"Yeah, that is probably best. Well, I am going to bed. Goodnight mom."

"Goodnight."


End file.
